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You are a basic bitch


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Hello there, it's Chief Keef with a public service announcement.

Here's how to know if you're a basic bitch.

#1 CONSTANTLY "vague booking". Vague Booking is when you get on Facebook and post shit like "I can't go on", "OMG I'm devastated I can't take it anymore," or memes that say stupid shit like, "Just because I don't show it doesn't mean I don't feel it". Then you get like 30 people to comment, "OH MY GAWD SARA what's wrong?," "Are you okay baby? TEXT ME!" And then they post, "I just don't wanna talk about it." THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU FACEBOOK ABOUT IT? If you've got time to Facebook about your devastation, then it's probably some basic shit.

#2 Do you have a tattoo of an anchor that says "I REFUSE TO SINK"? Trademark symbol of a BASIC BITCH! Bitch, that's an anchor. THEY SINK! Some of them weigh like thousands of pounds. If you can get that to float, I'll suck your dick. If you're gonna get "refuse to sink" tattooed on you, at least get a picture of a life jacket, a bobber, or Hell, even a styrofoam cup. You basic bitch.

#3 Do you know that benny bangs shit where you cut your bangs really short and straight across, died your hair lives matter black? You think you look like a pinup, but really you really look like Slingblades little Sister, Earl. You look like the chicken from Looney Tunes. You look like your forehead has a balcony. What the fuck is that, an awning? You're a basic bitch!

#4 Is Marilyn Monroe your idol? Is she? lol. We get it, I mean, she's the king of all things basic bitch. YOU see an icon of that era. Me? I see a gold digging, pill poppin' 2 dollar whore that was difficult to work with. She was an okay actress. She was REALLLLY good at ruining marriages. Basically you're idolizing Lindsay Lohan of the 40's. She probably had a funky vagina. It probably smelled like fried bologna, dog vomit and bloody bunyons. 

#5 Did you fall for the tramp stamp fad? I'm willing to bet you got a foot tattoo and some retarded ass paragraph on your rib cage. Probably an excerpt from a poem, or maybe a recipe for buttermilk basic bitch biscuits? 

#6 Do you drive a Mustang? Who would've guessed? The basic bitch-mobile. Only a female would spend $30k on a Ford Mustang thinking that it's "BAD ASS". The only thing muscle about a Ford Mustang is the muscle head bitch behind the wheel. 

#7 Do you work as a receptionist for a local business office, but you have it down on social media that you're a "MODEL"? Let me tell you something, if you have to pay people for your photo shoots, you're not a "model". You're just a narcissistic bitch who's really good at paying photographers. If you have to pay people to take picture of you, I got news for you, the only one who wants to see them  ... is YOU!

#8 Did you shave off half your head and think you look unique and trendy? Bitch, you look like Skrillex. And let me tell you something, nobody wants to fuck Skrillex. 

Other tell tale signs of being a basic bitch are . . . being overly in to sports. Purchasing Luke Bryan tickets. Not being able to hold a gun without posting 37 pictures to social media. Making it OVERLY understood that you hunt . . . or fish. Wearing Cowboy boots with dresses, like you're the gay Wyatt Earp. 

If you're a basic bitch, it's not too late. You can delete all of your social media and pretend you never existed.

Good luck.

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