Being Outraged By Stupid Nonsense Replaces Baseball As National Pastim

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U.S.—Baseball has long been considered the national pastime of the United States, but many modern audiences now believe the sport is too slow-moving to be enjoyable since the sport takes a modicum of effort to follow and understand. Now surveys show that Americans’ favorite entertainment is the much faster-moving and varied entertainment of getting mad at stupid nonsense they read about online.

 

“Every day, I log on and find something new to get all worked up about,” explained Peter Maxwell, a frequent member of Twitter mobs. “You never know what each day will bring -- well, you do know it will bring more anger and screaming -- you just don't know at who. And to be honest, half the time I don’t even quite understand what I’m mad at. What fun!”

Outrage superfans will even make signs and protest buildings and houses in person, but for most people it’s an online activity where people use social media to signal to everyone how angry they are, showing extreme distress at something they read about and that they most likely will have completely forgotten by the end of the week as they move on to the next outrage target.

Baseball is unsure of how to compete with constant outrage for people’s free time. They’ve reportedly tasked top academics to come up with an argument that the designated hitter rule is racist to get people yelling about it again.